08
Dec '18
Unrequited Fear
08
Dec '18
As babies, we don’t realize what fear is. We have the comfort of parents and loved ones and fear is not something that enters our mind. As we start to get older and have experiences, that’s when fear starts to sink in. Life happens around us and we learn what we may be “afraid” of. As a child, I remember being afraid to go down into the basement after dark at my house – even though the basement was finished, if my parents would ask me to go down and get something, I remember as soon as I’d pick up whatever it was down there that they asked me to get, I’d run so fast up those stairs – hitting each stair with a big boom with my feet as I ran back up. There was never anything down there to scare me, but the perception of the darkness outside, and me being down there alone just put fear in me at a young age of the “basement”.
Fast forward to when we’re adults and get older – we may not have a fear of going down in the basement anymore, or fear of a “boogy man” under the bed, but fear takes on a new meaning as our lives progress into adulthood and we realize what is really important to us. The older we get, we realize what we may have taken for granted when we were younger, now becomes so important to us. Our parents. Our immediate family. Our extended family. Our dear friends. What we once just assumed would always be there, isn’t so assuming any longer… and we fear the time that something could happen to those whom we dearly love.
As I write this blog (end of Nov ’18), my mom is in the hospital. I was going about my day yesterday.. nothing abnormal, until around 10pm when my dad called and told me he was taking her to the ER. Although the issue is something that she’s been dealing with for many, many years, and has been in the hospital for before, it’s still not comfortable for a daughter to know one of her parents is in the hospital. Fear always finds a way to weave into my thoughts during times like this. The enemy likes to plant all kinds of ideas into our heads and make us suspect the worst, every single time.
After the phone call last night, that’s exactly what happened to me. The enemy got into my head and tried to take over, but I remember a moment when I started to pray that God gently reminded me that the enemy has no control in this situation and that fear or worry have no place. He reminded me that HE is in control of this situation. He knows today, tomorrow, next week and next year (and beyond), so what did I have to fear? I reminded myself that I have to just trust that He knows what He’s doing in my life, as well as in the life of my family, because He does.
I know that’s not always so easy to accept or grasp.. I get it. As I mentioned, I still have fear and worry sometimes; I’m human. When we’re faced with a circumstance that we’re unfamiliar with, or something that we weren’t expecting and we don’t know the outcome, it’s easy to get into our heads and think the worst.
“This is My command – be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9 NLT
“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done”. – Phillipians 4:6 NLT
This verse in Phillipians reminds us that we just have to tell God what we need or desire, and then trust that He’s got it all worked out. Because He does. It’s already worked out. Everything is already worked out. He’s already been to tomorrow.. and next week and next year. Even before I woke up yesterday morning and had no clue that my mom would be in the hospital a mere 12 hours later, He already knew. I always have to take a step back and realize how comforting it is to know that nothing is a surprise to God. Nothing. Anything that happens.. good or bad, isn’t a surprise. He knew exactly how our lives were going to play out before we were born. The King of the World has no fear and has it all under control.
So, does this mean that everything is going to work out exactly as I plan, or exactly as I pray? No, it doesn’t. What it means is that God has a plan that has already been established, and no matter the outcome, things are moving forward according to God’s plan. I may not understand God’s plan in every area of life, and I may not even initially agree with it, but that’s ok. I know His plan is good, even if it doesn’t feel good to me in the moment. I know His plan is good, even if it hurts.
As I’m writing this blog, I still have no idea what tomorrow holds for my mom or my family, but God knows, and since He’s the one I trust with everything in my life anyway (including something as valuable as my parents), I know that my mom is in the hands of the One who holds the world. I’ll take that any day.
(Update as of publishing: Mom is home awaiting for surgery to be scheduled, based on the diagnosis.)
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*Dena*
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